Tag: soberlife

When Being a Party Girl Stops Being Cute

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(This article also appeared on Huffington Post.)

The photo above is me passed out in the grass at 3am. I was 27 years old. While I don’t remember anything about the celebrations from that night, I remember telling myself that I “needed to celebrate” being back home after a 3 day weekend in LA. I blacked out completely. I somehow ended up in my front yard. I vaguely remember my roommates picking me up and carrying me to my bed. We laughed about it the next morning. One of my roommates sent me this photo and I posted it on Facebook because being a party girl was, like, soooooo cute. I continued to drink this way for two more years.

Some would argue that being a party girl (or boy) is never cute and I’m sure they have valid reasons for that. I would argue that - in moderation - there’s nothing wrong with having a phase in your life where you have a few too many drinks on the regular, act silly with your friends, and hook up with someone you barely know… as long as you’re safe about it. Yes, you read that correctly. This sober woman supports others getting drunk, safely. My toxic relationship with alcohol has nothing to do with other people’s relationship with alcohol.

My body was clearly giving me signs that the party girl lifestyle wasn’t for me anymore. These are some of the red flags I ignored for years, and wish I hadn’t:

 

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Scare Your Soul - I Survived Wendy’s

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Back in my fitness instructor days, my Instagram account proudly endorsed the #eatclean movement to the point of annoyance. I, like many other fitness professionals, thought that this hashtag would inspire people to make nutritious food choices. While it may have inspired some, I’m finally realizing that using phrases like “eat clean” could be down right insensitive and borderline damaging.

In case you missed my last post, I recently participated in Scare Your Soul, a challenge that encourages you to live outside of your comfort zone for 3 days. On day 1 & 2, I tackled my body image issues. I wanted day 3 to remain on the same body positivity path, but I was stumped as to how to go about it. My roomie / editor, Alisson, suggested that my third and final challenge should be eating processed foods for a day, every meal. I cringed and said “Nope. No way. There’s no way I can do that”. Then I realized that’s exactly what I needed to do. She encouraged me to do this because she thinks I’ve become a pretentious food snob (this is how we talk to each other, we’re very close) who only eats artisanal, organic, hipster foods. She suggested that maybe eating like I used to will remind me where I came from, and get me back in touch with my roots.

Feedback taken.

Challenge accepted. Let’s eat dirty.

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Ten Years Towards a Bachelor’s Degree

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On this day in 2014, I finally graduated college at the age of 28. I took the scenic route, to say the very least. I lost sight of my destination, so I stopped to explore as many parties, concerts, and intoxicants as I could.

For as long as I can remember, education was something that I always wrestled with. I was fighting some internal demons so learning the Pythagorean Theorem and the Periodic Table of the Elements seemed like a waste of time. I got expelled from high school in my junior year because I passed out in science class due to a dangerous mix of 5 bars of Xanax and copious amounts of weed. The school nurse had to revive me and carry me to her office. She found more drugs in my backpack, hence the expulsion. I had to attend an alternative education program where I finished my GED within months. In a brief moment of sobriety, I took advantage of being able to start college earlier than most of my friends.

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Break Stuff: The Angry Side of Sobriety

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Its just one of those days
Where you don’t want to wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don’t really know why
But you want to justify
Rippin’ someone’s head off

 

All of the little things that can go wrong on a Monday have gone wrong. That frustration has been tossed into a blender along with my weekly existential crisis, PMS, and being caught in rain with no umbrella on the packed streets of Chelsea. Strangers keep bumping into me while I hustle through 6th Ave. My headphones are blaring Limp Bizkit’s “Break Stuff”, my go-to song when I’m filled with rage and feel like I’m going to explode. I wish I had the balls to cry in public like other people do. Of all days to forget my sunglasses at home…I could totally go for a cry behind my Ray Bans right about now.

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How Scott Weiland Fueled my Sobriety

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Sunday, November 29th - My friends and I were at Fanelli’s, our favorite dimly lit pub in SoHo. Our table was full of Stella, Blue Moon, and frustration. We talked about how we’re “too busy” and how we “don’t have enough time to get things done”. After a few too many pints, I looked at my phone and realized that we had spent four hours in that pub. FOUR HOURS. On the walk towards my train, I began making a mental list of things I can cut out of my life in order to be more efficient with my time. I can spend less time networking. I could cut back on my workouts. I can write less. Though I was aware of how I just spent four hours in a bar, drinking less alcohol never even crossed my mind.

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