Over the last few months, I’ve compiled a list of “notes to self” in my phone while sitting on the subway. I wrote these reminders for my own sanity. They help me calm down when I feel a spiral of self-loathing coming on. This list isn’t always pretty, but it’s grounded in a reality that I’ve learned to accept. Call them mantras. Call them affirmations. Call them maybe.

1. I don’t have to be constantly working on something. I can just be.
2. I can’t “catch up over coffee” with everyone I want to “catch up over coffee” with. And that’s OK.
3. Thongs are not necessary. The strangers behind me can deal with my panty-line.
4. Time is finite.
5. Energy is finite.
6. Time and energy should be budgeted like finances.
7. It’s impossible to be a good friend to everyone.
8. Much to my chagrin, I’m a human being…not a machine.
9. I can do anything, but I can’t do everything. (OK, I stole this one from Pinterest)
10. I don’t have to acknowledge every text or phone call I receive.
11. I can wait as long as I need to before I reply to an email, if I even reply at all (Shout out to Melissa Febos‘s brilliant essay on this topic).
12. Focusing on the important people in my life helps me figure out whose texts/phone calls/emails to prioritize.
13. I don’t have to accept every invitation.
14. “No” is a complete sentence.
15. No.
16. No!
17. 24 hours in a day is more than enough time - if my priorities are in line.
18. I have complete control over my reactions.
19. I don’t have to react to everything.
20. I look and feel ridiculous when I overreact.
21. Trying to make up for lost time is impossible. No matter how many Improv, Spanish, and writing classes I’m taking whilst simultaneously juggling a full time job, my blog, and maintaining my sanity - I’ll never regain those 12 years I voluntarily gave to the bar scene.
22. It’s not just one day at a time; it’s one thing at a time.
23. I need to get over my obsession with time.
24. As painful and sad as it is, sometimes friends just grow apart.
25. When I don’t prioritize rest and mental health, I’m exhausting to be around.
26. Weekly therapy is essential.
27. Sometimes I actually thrive when I settle into my comfort zones.
28. Personal growth is great.
29. Accepting myself for who I am is even better.
30. Blog posts don’t always need a witty ending.

Tawny Lara is the founder of SobrieTea Party. She writes about being sober in New York City and hosts sober socializing events.

Photographer: Nonlinear Knitting

Photo Location: Jersey City, New Jersey