Tag: self esteem

Contributor Piece: Living with Trichotillomania by Becca Jade

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There’s so much more to recover from than just substance abuse. Previously, Rose Lockinger has contributed personal essays about bulimia. Now, Becca Jade shares her story on recovering from trichotillomania:

 

Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder characterized by the compulsive urge to pull out one’s hair. This leads to hair loss, balding, distress, and social or functional impairment. People with this disorder know that they can do damage by acting on the impulses, but they cannot stop themselves. I strongly believe that in life, we are often faced with challenges that we can handle. At times, we might bend, but we will not break.

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Contributor Piece: Eating Disorders and Addiction by Rose Lockinger

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I never knew that my road towards bulimia would end in a treatment center for substance use. Addiction in any form is a dangerous beast that will consume every aspect of your mind, body, and soul. If you’re lucky, you’ll survive. The first time I threw up, I was 14. I had no idea how to cope with the emotional pain of trauma; I was simply trying to survive. Bulimia was my coping tool.

When I started purging, I was doing it once a day. I became obsessed with my weight, with calories, with my body. Purging drowned out all the emotional pain I was feeling. Within a year, my disease took over my whole world. I was throwing up 15 times a day and my body was starting to feel the effects. My throat burned, my stomach hurt all the time, and my heart would race uncontrollably. I was exhausted. My muscles ached when I had to climb stairs, yet I made myself run 3 miles everyday. I was completely consumed in my disease. Every waking hour was wrapped up in planning my next binge and purge. Where was I getting the money? Which drive thru was I going to hit? What was I going to order? Where was I going to throw up?

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Ten Years Towards a Bachelor’s Degree

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On this day in 2014, I finally graduated college at the age of 28. I took the scenic route, to say the very least. I lost sight of my destination, so I stopped to explore as many parties, concerts, and intoxicants as I could.

For as long as I can remember, education was something that I always wrestled with. I was fighting some internal demons so learning the Pythagorean Theorem and the Periodic Table of the Elements seemed like a waste of time. I got expelled from high school in my junior year because I passed out in science class due to a dangerous mix of 5 bars of Xanax and copious amounts of weed. The school nurse had to revive me and carry me to her office. She found more drugs in my backpack, hence the expulsion. I had to attend an alternative education program where I finished my GED within months. In a brief moment of sobriety, I took advantage of being able to start college earlier than most of my friends.

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