I’m here to spill the tea (the SobrieTea) on some common sobriety myths. One of the many reasons I avoided sobriety was because I thought that giving up booze automatically coincided with how society and the media portray a booze-free life. Turns out there are no pre-requisites for getting and staying sober other than the desire to stop using. My story is atypical AF. Here’s how:
Tag: self destruction
19th Nervous Breakdown
I’ve always sung along to The Rolling Stones 1966 hit, “19th Nervous Breakdown“, because it’s a catchy song. These last few weeks I’ve learned to appreciate the lyrics on a personal level. Especially the chorus:
“You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown”
I was forced to stop and look around because it finally happened. I had a nervous breakdown. I say finally because I knew it was coming but I ignored the warning signs for months:
Tight chest
Difficulty breathing
Exhaustion due to being overworked
Several smaller meltdowns
Extreme anxiety
Weight loss
Burn out
I kept telling myself to push through because that’s what a successful writer and entrepreneur should do. THIS IS WHAT SUCCESS LOOKS LIKE, RIGHT?!? Wrong. I don’t want my version of success to sacrifice taking a breath.
So I surrendered. I finally stopped denying my pending breakdown and let it wash over me. I released the tears I’ve been holding in for way too long. I curled up in my bed and sobbed, not because I’m weak. Because I’m strong.
The photo I used for this blog post accurately depicts how I felt: blurry, imperfect and full of rage because my suppressed emotions were pouring out of me.
How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem
This is one of the most common questions that I’m asked. Looking back, I’d say that I knew I had a drinking problem when I started questioning my relationship with alcohol. The years leading up to the day when I quit drinking were filled with sporadic breaks from booze…just to prove to myself that “I didn’t have a problem”. Those years were also filled with Googling questions like, “Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Should I quit drinking?”. I did a series of mental gymnastics in an attempt to convince myself that since I didn’t NEED alcohol every day, I was fine. I looked at how the media and Hollywood discuss addiction. I didn’t relate to any of those stories, so again, I was fine.
Continue reading “How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem”
I Heart Therapy
I started seeing a therapist in August 2016 when I was 9 months sober. I was prepared to be Goldilocks and shop around, looking for the therapist that was juuuuuust right. I lucked out and found “the one” on my first try; I’ve seen her every Wednesday ever since.
The first 9 months of my sobriety, or as I like to call it, BT (before therapy), I talked about what I was going through to anyone who was willing to listen. That was usually my therapy-advocating roommate. She listened to me, gave excellent advice, and found graciaous ways to sneak in the whole “you should see a therapist” message. I’d get annoyed, then after the 100th time, it finally sunk in. I realized that my neuroses weren’t so cute after all. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw circa season two of Sex and the City.
Sober in the City: I Followed My Fear and Found Myself
As I continue into my second year of sobriety, I decided to follow my passion of personal growth. I chopped my hair off, enrolled in Spanish classes and sketch writing classes, and even went on a couple of dates (that’s a pretty big deal for me, but more on that next time).
This week continued down the path of new experiences when I took my first improv class. I’ve flirted with the idea of improv for awhile now, but the thought of emitting that amount of vulnerability scared me to death. I used to hide my vulnerability by binge drinking a ton of whiskey, but this year, I’ve decided to face it head on. I found a class at The People’s Improv Theater called ‘Improv Your Public Speaking.’ I hesitated, but finally signed up for the February 13th class as a Galentine’s Day gift to myself.
7 Lies I Told Myself (So I Could Keep Drinking)
When I was struggling with admitting the truth about my drinking problem, I spent a lot of time in a magical place called Denial. It was a diverse, overpopulated place filled with delusion, ignorance, and fear. I didn’t just camp out there, I moved in. I paid rent. I unpacked. I decorated. Living years in denial was expensive. Financially. Emotionally. Mentally. And physically. I lied to myself daily. I told myself that I was fine. I told myself that I was happy. The thought of addressing my drinking problem, giving up alcohol, and living a life without booze sounded next to impossible.
I didn’t know anyone who was sober. All I knew about sobriety was what I saw on TV or in movies: someone who’s lost everything and they have to go to AA to rebuild their lives. I told myself that I wasn’t one of “those” people. It was nice to pretend that everything was fine and that I had a healthy relationship with alcohol. That was a big fat lie. Here’s a few other lies I told myself so I could keep drinking…
Continue reading “7 Lies I Told Myself (So I Could Keep Drinking)”
My Evolution from Drunk, Misinformed Voter to Sober, Empowered Voter
Stoner Liberal to Binge Drinking Conservative to Sober Democrat
For nearly 15 years, I self-medicated my depression and anxiety with drugs and alcohol. While dealing with the narcissism of depression and the side effects of substance abuse, I was too self-absorbed to empathize with anyone’s problems that didn’t directly involve me. That included my family, friends, and especially politics. Now that I’m almost a year sober, my growth as a person has amplified my political awareness. I always kind of knew who I was politically, but I was easily swayed into other camps - just like I was easily swayed by any drug or drink that crossed my path.
[The full article is published on The Huffington Post. Read the full piece here.]
Copy Editor: Alisson Wood
When Being a Party Girl Stops Being Cute
The photo above is me passed out in the grass at 3am. I was 27 years old. While I don’t remember anything about the celebrations from that night, I remember telling myself that I “needed to celebrate” being back home after a 3 day weekend in LA. I blacked out completely. I somehow ended up in my front yard. I vaguely remember my roommates picking me up and carrying me to my bed. We laughed about it the next morning. One of my roommates sent me this photo and I posted it on Facebook because being a party girl was, like, soooooo cute. I continued to drink this way for two more years.
Some would argue that being a party girl (or boy) is never cute and I’m sure they have valid reasons for that. I would argue that - in moderation - there’s nothing wrong with having a phase in your life where you have a few too many drinks on the regular, act silly with your friends, and hook up with someone you barely know… as long as you’re safe about it. Yes, you read that correctly. This sober woman supports others getting drunk, safely. My toxic relationship with alcohol has nothing to do with other people’s relationship with alcohol.
My body was clearly giving me signs that the party girl lifestyle wasn’t for me anymore. These are some of the red flags I ignored for years, and wish I hadn’t:
Scare Your Soul - I Survived Wendy’s
Back in my fitness instructor days, my Instagram account proudly endorsed the #eatclean movement to the point of annoyance. I, like many other fitness professionals, thought that this hashtag would inspire people to make nutritious food choices. While it may have inspired some, I’m finally realizing that using phrases like “eat clean” could be down right insensitive and borderline damaging.
In case you missed my last post, I recently participated in Scare Your Soul, a challenge that encourages you to live outside of your comfort zone for 3 days. On day 1 & 2, I tackled my body image issues. I wanted day 3 to remain on the same body positivity path, but I was stumped as to how to go about it. My roomie / editor, Alisson, suggested that my third and final challenge should be eating processed foods for a day, every meal. I cringed and said “Nope. No way. There’s no way I can do that”. Then I realized that’s exactly what I needed to do. She encouraged me to do this because she thinks I’ve become a pretentious food snob (this is how we talk to each other, we’re very close) who only eats artisanal, organic, hipster foods. She suggested that maybe eating like I used to will remind me where I came from, and get me back in touch with my roots.
Feedback taken.
Challenge accepted. Let’s eat dirty.
Scare Your Soul - The Monster in the Mirror
I’ve always enjoyed testing boundaries, especially when drinking: Drunk driving. Unprotected sex. Sleeping with my friends’ ex boyfriends and my ex boyfriends’ friends. Any drug that crossed my path, I tried it. Anyone who said they could drink me under the table often ended up underneath said table. Since I’ve given up that destructive lifestyle, I’ve found new ways to be adventurous. While I’ve recently done activities like naked yoga and orgasmic meditation, there are still many things that intimidate me and make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I should say that there are a few things that, um, scare my soul.
Two weeks ago, I completed the Scare Your Soul challenge. Each day, I did one thing that got me out of my comfort zone…for three days. On day 1 & 2, I tackled my body image issues. Here’s how it went:
Continue reading “Scare Your Soul - The Monster in the Mirror”