I’m here to spill the tea (the SobrieTea) on some common sobriety myths. One of the many reasons I avoided sobriety was because I thought that giving up booze automatically coincided with how society and the media portray a booze-free life. Turns out there are no pre-requisites for getting and staying sober other than the desire to stop using. My story is atypical AF. Here’s how:
Tag: alcoholism
three. years. sober.
My last drink was on November 29th, 2015. It was a pint of delicious Paulaner Hefeweizen from the historical Fanelli‘s pub in SoHo. I drank this pint with two dear friends and their pints, after work. Our four-hour conversation shifted from New York City madness to what we want to be when we grow up to complaining about annoying customers and their demands of high-end yoga pants. I whined about not having enough time to write - the reason I moved to New York City. As we bonded over more pints, time seemed to stand still - until it didn’t. Our plan was to have one beer. Four hours later I was enjoying a beer buzz that can only be achieved from several beers as I navigated towards the PATH train.
I think of this day often. Sometimes I wish my last drinking episode consisted of more booze and more drama so I could have gone out with a bang. A few beers over four hours was tame for me. It’s not the story you see on TV or in movies where a person loses everything, has a dangerously low rock bottom, and then they decide to quit drinking. I’ve grown to appreciate what us sober folks call a “high bottom”. It’s important to share these stories, too. I’m thankful that I didn’t have to lose everything to wake up and see that alcohol was a significant roadblock - a roadblock that I kept putting in my own way - for more than a decade.
A Writer, With a Blog
I’ve taken a step back to observe how two years of blogging has resulted in me finding my voice as a writer while simultaneously distracting me from writing. Listicles, branding, image, oh my!
At age 14 I wrote articles about progressive topics for my local newspaper, loving the fact that my voice was being heard. Even if it pissed people off. In high school I studied broadcast journalism, loving the prep work and screen time of being on the morning announcements. In my early twenties I “interned” (hung out unpaid) for a radio station, loving the platform to talk about music and current events with interesting people. I’m currently the music editor for NY Yoga & Life Magazine. I love chatting with musicians about their yoga practice, yogis about their playlists, and any other way the two worlds can intersect. I took a similar approach to sobriety: journalistic and explorative.
Sex, Stigmas, and Sobriety on The 405
“Addiction is one of the most common experiences people will face, yet is still one of the taboo things to be discussed openly. Thank fuck for writer Tawny Lara, who speaks with an infectious candour that’d make Keith Richards blush. Lara contributes to the Huffington Post and is the founder of SobrieTea Party. Throughout her writing, Lara muses about her experiences regarding alcoholism, dating, anxiety, therapy, and more.“
Workit Health: A Modern Approach to Recovery
*This blog post was sponsored by Workit Health. All of these opinions are my own. Please note that I am not a licensed medical professional nor addiction specialist. If you’re interested in trying Workit Health, you can use the discount code workitrocks for 25% off.*
The recovery world has evolved quite a bit over the last few years. Society has accepted that if someone has a drinking problem they must admit to being an alcoholic and begin working the 12 Steps in an AA meeting. Or check into rehab. That school of thought wasn’t inviting to someone like me: a young party girl with a social binge drinking problem. I went to one AA meeting. It wasn’t for me. I was lucky enough to find sobriety through yoga, writing, therapy, and supportive loved ones. If I had found Workit Health when I was in early sobriety, it would have made my transition into sober life quite a bit easier. Continue reading “Workit Health: A Modern Approach to Recovery”
When “Trying on Sobriety” is Offensive
((This blog post was written for people that I call Sober Tourists: People that typically don’t identify as addicts or substance abusers, but are curious about being sober. They try it for awhile until they get bored. Then they claim that they can relate to the struggles of people in recovery because they celebrated Dry January or completed Whole 30.))
Strangers frequently reach out to me asking for suggestions on how to get through 30ish days without drinking. I don’t think they realize that my sobriety doesn’t have an end point. It’s fine that someone who probably doesn’t have issues with substance abuse, is “trying on sobriety” for a little while, but why are you asking me, someone who does struggle with substance abuse, for advice? I can’t be your cheerleader for 30 days just so you can celebrate day 31 by posting photos of mimosas on Instagram.
Why I’m Not an Alcoholic
Hi. I’m Tawny. And I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not powerless over alcohol. I don’t have an incurable disease. I don’t subscribe to any of society’s blanket labels for people who choose to live a sober lifestyle. So if I’m not those things…what am I? Well, like I said. I’m Tawny. I’m powerFULL. I’m a writer who loves music and tattoos and boys and political discussions that ruffle feathers. I used to abuse substances to avoid dealing with reality. I was a party girl who danced on bars, driving (and living) recklessly. I didn’t think much about anything; I just did everything. At age 29, I realized that I wasn’t living up to my full potential. Alcohol was wasting my time and money. So, I’m Tawny…and I’m sober.
Sober in the City: My Beach Vacation, No Beer Required
As much as I love New York City, I love getting away from it, too. A few weeks ago, I traded 30 degrees on the East Coast for 80 degrees in Mexico. I even set a sassy auto-reply for my email account: “Soaking up the sun and binge drinking virgin cocktails in Mexico.” And binge drink virgin cocktails, I did. I drank my weight in Mexican Coke and limonadas – no hangovers, no blackouts.
Click here to read the full article at WorkItHealth.com
Tawny Lara is the founder of SobrieTea Party. She writes about being sober in New York City and hosts sober socializing events.
Sober in the City: How I Found a Whole New Sober World on Broadway
Back in my party girl days (years), I went to a few concerts. Dozens. 100+ actually. I loved getting drunk and singing along with my favorite musicians. I’d think to myself “OMG! Mick Jagger is like…right there!” Or when I was stoned I’d think “Man…I’m breathing the same air as Dylan”. While my passion has always been rock n roll, my taste in live music has ranged from Hanson to Britney Spears to No Doubt to Pat Green to Velvet Revolver to Lady Gaga to Snoop Dogg. One time I found myself barefoot in the mosh pit of a Limp Bizkit concert during “Break Stuff”. I eventually got elbowed in the face and decided to go back to head-banging in the comfort of my friends. And beer.
There was something about being around live music that made me feel alive. And by “alive” I mean “intoxicated”. I’d drink before, during, and after each concert. Since the lines for drinks were so long I’d often order two beers at once, proudly “double fisting”. Depending on what artist I was seeing I’d throw weed or coke in the mix, too. I’d get so drunk/high that I could barely remember the actual shows. I’d forget the songs they played, the people I met, and how I got home. Apparently “feeling alive” meant feeling nothing at all.
To live a sober life I had to change certain aspects of my lifestyle. Throughout all of these positive changes, something felt like it was missing. Drinking tea and reading books and laying low and avoiding bars was nice, but I wanted to feel the way I felt when I was at a concert. Ya know..that “aliveness”. That rush of live entertainment. Then I found Broadway.
My first Broadway experience was three months into recovery. I saw Misery in the Winter of 2015. I tried to suppress my starstruck groupie instincts, but it was tough. OMG! Laurie Metcalf and Bruce Willis are like….right there! I absolutely loved it.
Many of the things I loved about concerts (live entertainment, flashy performances, elaborate costumes, sharing a room with famous people) were available to me in a brand new way. Shortly after Misery, I saw Blackbird. OMG! Michelle Williams! Then Fully Committed. OMG! Jesse Tyler Ferguson! I found my new, safe addiction: live theater.
After seeing a few plays, I was ready to see a musical. OK, I’m lying. I was actually scared to see a musical (Yes, I’m serious). Even though I loved The Sound of Music, Grease, and Across the Universe, I didn’t think I was smart enough to follow a live storyline that randomly broke out into song. Insecurities are sooooo fun. I eventually got over myself and challenged that voice in my head telling me I was stupid.
For my birthday a few months ago, my aunt took me to see Wicked. I was excited to pop my musical cherry while simultaneously seeing my buddy/former co-worker Michael playing Fiyero, the male lead. After the show, he gave us a tour backstage. A few weeks later, I saw The Color Purple. Then Kinky Boots. Then School of Rock. And this week I saw Sunday in the Park with George. OMG! Jake Gyllenhaal!
I still go to concerts, just not as much as I used to. It’s hard for me to be in that setting and not feel tempted to drink alcohol. I find attending Broadway shows to be safe and relatively trigger-free because it’s a new activity I embraced in my recovery. I don’t have memories of being wasted at a Broadway show; I’ve only known it sober. Nobody’s shoving one another to get a better view. Beer isn’t spilled on my shoes. Joints aren’t being passed through the audience. At concerts, I’d bond with my friends over shots and beers and screaming the words to songs we loved. At a Broadway show, I bond with friends in silent appreciation of live theater.
The magic created on Broadway has opened my eyes to a world I knew nothing about. Growing up in a small Texas town, theater wasn’t discussed too often. I was in choir in 5th grade and I loved it. Then I learned it wasn’t “cool”, so I didn’t pursue it the following year. Kids at school made fun of anyone who was in theater, choir, or band. So instead of doing what made me happy, I joined the bullies. I just wanted to be part of something.
It bugs me that my relationship with alcohol has somewhat ruined my relationship with live music, but it is what it is. Sobriety has taught me that it’s OK to be less Sex, Drugs, Rock n Roll and more School of Rock. And that f*&%ing rocks.
Sober in the City: Bad Days Happen
Today was exhausting. I worked 8 hours on my feet at my retail job in SoHo. As much as I love people, it’s emotionally taxing to be “on” for 8 hours straight with a smile on my face. Towards the end of my shift, I was pretty grumpy. On my train ride home, my grumpiness continued when I realized the train had no seats left - like always. I had to stand for twenty more minutes, shoulder to shoulder with stinky strangers. I acknowledge that these are prime examples of first world problems. But as someone in recovery, the slightest thing can put me over the edge.
I stood there with my eyes closed, picturing myself taking a bath while drinking a glass of wine. This delusional thought was so relaxing, I may have even smiled. When the train slammed on its brakes to let me off at my stop, I was brought right back to reality: I. Can’t. Drink. Wine was never even my drink of choice, I was more of a Jack Daniels straight from the bottle kind of gal (#classy).