I’m here to spill the tea (the SobrieTea) on some common sobriety myths. One of the many reasons I avoided sobriety was because I thought that giving up booze automatically coincided with how society and the media portray a booze-free life. Turns out there are no pre-requisites for getting and staying sober other than the desire to stop using. My story is atypical AF. Here’s how:
Tag: aa
19th Nervous Breakdown
I’ve always sung along to The Rolling Stones 1966 hit, “19th Nervous Breakdown“, because it’s a catchy song. These last few weeks I’ve learned to appreciate the lyrics on a personal level. Especially the chorus:
“You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown”
I was forced to stop and look around because it finally happened. I had a nervous breakdown. I say finally because I knew it was coming but I ignored the warning signs for months:
Tight chest
Difficulty breathing
Exhaustion due to being overworked
Several smaller meltdowns
Extreme anxiety
Weight loss
Burn out
I kept telling myself to push through because that’s what a successful writer and entrepreneur should do. THIS IS WHAT SUCCESS LOOKS LIKE, RIGHT?!? Wrong. I don’t want my version of success to sacrifice taking a breath.
So I surrendered. I finally stopped denying my pending breakdown and let it wash over me. I released the tears I’ve been holding in for way too long. I curled up in my bed and sobbed, not because I’m weak. Because I’m strong.
The photo I used for this blog post accurately depicts how I felt: blurry, imperfect and full of rage because my suppressed emotions were pouring out of me.
How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem
This is one of the most common questions that I’m asked. Looking back, I’d say that I knew I had a drinking problem when I started questioning my relationship with alcohol. The years leading up to the day when I quit drinking were filled with sporadic breaks from booze…just to prove to myself that “I didn’t have a problem”. Those years were also filled with Googling questions like, “Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Should I quit drinking?”. I did a series of mental gymnastics in an attempt to convince myself that since I didn’t NEED alcohol every day, I was fine. I looked at how the media and Hollywood discuss addiction. I didn’t relate to any of those stories, so again, I was fine.
Continue reading “How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem”
Workit Health: A Modern Approach to Recovery
*This blog post was sponsored by Workit Health. All of these opinions are my own. Please note that I am not a licensed medical professional nor addiction specialist. If you’re interested in trying Workit Health, you can use the discount code workitrocks for 25% off.*
The recovery world has evolved quite a bit over the last few years. Society has accepted that if someone has a drinking problem they must admit to being an alcoholic and begin working the 12 Steps in an AA meeting. Or check into rehab. That school of thought wasn’t inviting to someone like me: a young party girl with a social binge drinking problem. I went to one AA meeting. It wasn’t for me. I was lucky enough to find sobriety through yoga, writing, therapy, and supportive loved ones. If I had found Workit Health when I was in early sobriety, it would have made my transition into sober life quite a bit easier. Continue reading “Workit Health: A Modern Approach to Recovery”
Sober Dating Revelations
I’m dating for the first time in awhile. Actually, for the first time ever. When I was drinking, my idea of dating was getting wasted at parties, hooking up with someone, then when the hook ups happened more then once…I had a boyfriend. Sometimes the relationship was real. Sometimes it was delusional, existing solely in my head.
When “Trying on Sobriety” is Offensive
((This blog post was written for people that I call Sober Tourists: People that typically don’t identify as addicts or substance abusers, but are curious about being sober. They try it for awhile until they get bored. Then they claim that they can relate to the struggles of people in recovery because they celebrated Dry January or completed Whole 30.))
Strangers frequently reach out to me asking for suggestions on how to get through 30ish days without drinking. I don’t think they realize that my sobriety doesn’t have an end point. It’s fine that someone who probably doesn’t have issues with substance abuse, is “trying on sobriety” for a little while, but why are you asking me, someone who does struggle with substance abuse, for advice? I can’t be your cheerleader for 30 days just so you can celebrate day 31 by posting photos of mimosas on Instagram.
Why I’m Not an Alcoholic
Hi. I’m Tawny. And I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not powerless over alcohol. I don’t have an incurable disease. I don’t subscribe to any of society’s blanket labels for people who choose to live a sober lifestyle. So if I’m not those things…what am I? Well, like I said. I’m Tawny. I’m powerFULL. I’m a writer who loves music and tattoos and boys and political discussions that ruffle feathers. I used to abuse substances to avoid dealing with reality. I was a party girl who danced on bars, driving (and living) recklessly. I didn’t think much about anything; I just did everything. At age 29, I realized that I wasn’t living up to my full potential. Alcohol was wasting my time and money. So, I’m Tawny…and I’m sober.
Stay Inside Your Comfort Zone
Comfort zones…the enemy of most people in the self-help world. The way some people talk about comfort zones, you’d think they were akin to the plague. I’m going to do something bold here. I’m going to talk about the beautiful importance of staying inside your comfort zone. Yes, you read that correctly.
When Sobriety Sucks
Sobriety can suck. Like, really suck. To me, a life of sobriety has meant a lifestyle of being awake. All. The. Time. It’s fucking exhausting. I’m tired. Meditation and yoga help to an extent. Quality time with friends and family can be relaxing. Work outs release endorphins. But those solutions are all temporary. When I’m alone on the train ride home, alone in my bed, or alone with my thoughts, anxious feelings that I chose to momentarily ignore manage to get all of my attention. I’m beginning to think that life may be a series of temporary events to get me through to the next one.
500 Days of Sober
I’ve been sober for 500 days, y’all! It feels surreal sometimes. There are moments when I still feel like that 20-something party girl who was dancing on bars and taking body shots off of strangers. I have moments where I ask myself, “Am I really a sober blogger?!?!”. Yes I am! And I fucking love it. While recovery has its ups and downs, I’m grateful for it every single day. These 500 days have been full of happiness, heartbreak, anger, new adventures, and personal growth. Here’s 5 of my recent favorites memories in my first 500 Days of Sobriety: