I did it. One year sober. Holy shit. I can’t believe it. This has been a really hard year. And being sober has made it harder in some ways. I’ve had to actually face my problems instead of getting drunk and pretending that they don’t exist. But now, I can’t imagine being any other way.
Being sober is hard, but it’s totally worth it. Here’s a few things that I accomplished this year that I don’t think I could have without sobriety:
Last week on both Facebook and Instagram, I opened up the forum for people to ask me anything they wanted. I figured most of the questions would be about sobriety and recovery, but surprisingly only a few were. People also asked me about eating disorders, relationships, and egg yolk. Yes, egg yolk.
I had no idea what I was getting into. OK that’s a lie…I had an idea. I knew that we —myself and the guy I was dating at the time — were going to something called a “Turn On” event led by One Taste. I also knew this event was an intro to an Orgasmic Meditation (OM) practice. The event was held inside a sketchy building in China Town and, in classic New York City fashion, the building also housed a Chipotle and a Pilates studio. I was expecting a room of weirdos and fetishists.
For the past two years, naked yoga has been on the top of my bucket list. On a sunny Sunday afternoon in the Flatiron district of Manhattan, I finally crossed it off my list in a class with 8 other students. I’ve always enjoyed finding new ways to see what I can learn about myself. This desire for fresh invigoration has amplified since I cut alcohol out of my lifestyle.
The 8 of us sat in the waiting room, filled out our waivers, and talked about how nervous/excited we were. One guy mentioned that he’d been a few times. “This class gets me out of my comfort zone. I still get butterflies in my stomach before class - and I like that,” he told me. A few minutes before class started, we finally began removing our clothes. We walked, totally nude, into a well-lit yoga room with yoga mats, candles, and Rihanna bumping in the speakers. Our instructor, Joschi, was a German man who exuded confidence from his fit, naked body. He asked how we were feeling, told us jokes to calm us down, and began to guide us through our practice.
Since I stopped drinking three months ago, I’ve become aware of the delusions in my life, especially with men. In the past, I’ve had a few real romantic relationships that have lasted for several years at a time. In between said relationships, I developed a love of ambiguity and tied myself to men that didn’t want clarity with me. I found it to be much easier to throw myself at someone who wasn’t invested in me than to spend my energy finding someone who liked me back. The faux safety net of ambiguity I kept creating was actually hurting me more in the long run.
I’m not one to comment on the Manhattan dating scene since I’ve only been on a few dates in my seven months here. I am, however, definitely one to comment on the not-dating scene. Where I come from in Texas, it’s common to be married and have several children by your early twenties. I thought that’s what I wanted, but that probably stems from my adolescent cravings for fitting in.