Categories
Uncategorized

A Monument-al Evening

This past week I spoke on Monument‘s panel, Changing the Narrative, at Brooklyn’s sober bar, Getaway. I talked about recovery, creativity, and of course, my favorite topic of sober sex and dating. This evening had a dual purpose of creating a powerful conversation about addiction and recovery while also serving as Monument’s debut event as a new face in the vastly growing on-line recovery world. More than 30 people of all different ages were talking about recovery while smiling, laughing, selfie-ing, and sipping non-alcoholic drinks.

Continue reading “A Monument-al Evening”
Categories
Uncategorized

Common Sobriety Myths

I’m here to spill the tea (the SobrieTea) on some common sobriety myths. One of the many reasons I avoided sobriety was because I thought that giving up booze automatically coincided with how society and the media portray a booze-free life. Turns out there are no pre-requisites for getting and staying sober other than the desire to stop using. My story is atypical AF. Here’s how:

Continue reading “Common Sobriety Myths”
Categories
Uncategorized

Recovery Chat with Middle School Students

Sharing my recovery story to a group of 100 middle school students was a little intimidating. While I’ve done lots of public speaking on the topic of addiction, the audience has always been adults who were somewhat interested in sobriety or mental health. I worried that these kids would be bored by the 33-year-old woman telling them not to do drugs. I remembered being their age, bored as hell by D.A.R.E. and rolling my eyes at adults who told me to “Just Say No”. I thought about what 12 year old me would have wanted to hear; what would have made the idea of getting wasted sound like a bad idea even though celebrities glamorize it and post InstaStories of themselves popping champagne and Xanax while hitting a vape pen.

Continue reading “Recovery Chat with Middle School Students”
Categories
Uncategorized

three. years. sober.

My last drink was on November 29th, 2015. It was a pint of delicious Paulaner Hefeweizen from the historical Fanelli‘s pub in SoHo. I drank this pint with two dear friends and their pints, after work. Our four-hour conversation shifted from New York City madness to what we want to be when we grow up to complaining about annoying customers and their demands of high-end yoga pants. I whined about not having enough time to write - the reason I moved to New York City. As we bonded over more pints, time seemed to stand still - until it didn’t. Our plan was to have one beer. Four hours later I was enjoying a beer buzz that can only be achieved from several beers as I navigated towards the PATH train.

I think of this day often. Sometimes I wish my last drinking episode consisted of more booze and more drama so I could have gone out with a bang. A few beers over four hours was tame for me. It’s not the story you see on TV or in movies where a person loses everything, has a dangerously low rock bottom, and then they decide to quit drinking. I’ve grown to appreciate what us sober folks call a “high bottom”. It’s important to share these stories, too. I’m thankful that I didn’t have to lose everything to wake up and see that alcohol was a significant roadblock - a roadblock that I kept putting in my own way - for more than a decade.

Continue reading “three. years. sober.”
Categories
Uncategorized

19th Nervous Breakdown

I’ve always sung along to The Rolling Stones 1966 hit, “19th Nervous Breakdown“, because it’s a catchy song. These last few weeks I’ve learned to appreciate the lyrics on a personal level. Especially the chorus:

“You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown”

I was forced to stop and look around because it finally happened. I had a nervous breakdown. I say finally because I knew it was coming but I ignored the warning signs for months:

Tight chest

Difficulty breathing

Exhaustion due to being overworked

Several smaller meltdowns

Extreme anxiety

Weight loss

Burn out

I kept telling myself to push through because that’s what a successful writer and entrepreneur should do. THIS IS WHAT SUCCESS LOOKS LIKE, RIGHT?!? Wrong. I don’t want my version of success to sacrifice taking a breath.

So I surrendered. I finally stopped denying my pending breakdown and let it wash over me. I released the tears I’ve been holding in for way too long. I curled up in my bed and sobbed, not because I’m weak. Because I’m strong.

The photo I used for this blog post accurately depicts how I felt: blurry, imperfect and full of rage because my suppressed emotions were pouring out of me.

Continue reading “19th Nervous Breakdown”
Categories
Uncategorized

Destination Addiction

My addiction to personal development started small, just like my issues with substance abuse. I didn’t think getting stoned on the weekends in high school would turn into a 13-year lifestyle of binge drinking and excess. In the same vein, I didn’t think that reading self-help books would lead to a three-year downward spiral of searching for “the best possible version of myself.”

Continue reading “Destination Addiction”
Categories
Uncategorized

How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem

This is one of the most common questions that I’m asked. Looking back, I’d say that I knew I had a drinking problem when I started questioning my relationship with alcohol. The years leading up to the day when I quit drinking were filled with sporadic breaks from booze…just to prove to myself that “I didn’t have a problem”. Those years were also filled with Googling questions like, “Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Should I quit drinking?”. I did a series of mental gymnastics in an attempt to convince myself that since I didn’t NEED alcohol every day, I was fine. I looked at how the media and Hollywood discuss addiction. I didn’t relate to any of those stories, so again, I was fine.

Continue reading “How I (Finally) Knew I Had a Drinking Problem”
Categories
Uncategorized

You Gotta Believe

My dad, Dave Starr, is a heavy metal musician. He’s dedicated his life to his craft, writing melodies on bass and guitar. My childhood time with him was often spent at band rehearsal, hanging out in the recording studio, and joining him at his then-day job in a music store. Being surrounded by men head banging with hair longer than mine has always felt like home to me. Growing up in the San Francisco metal scene laid a unique foundation for me before mom and I relocated to Waco, Texas in 1994.

Continue reading “You Gotta Believe”
Categories
Uncategorized

Kate Spade’s Red Scarf

Kate Spade’s tragic suicide is a stark reminder that even women who appear to have it all can be suffering, often in invisible ways.

As a wealthy and successful designer who built her career on all-American designer handbags, Kate Spade is not the type of person one would imagine could do something like this. And that’s a problem. Society has an ideal image of what things “should” look like.

Click here to read the full article on A Women’s Thing.

 

Categories
Uncategorized

We’re Award-Winning Filmmakers!

During the holidays last year, B. Rae and I made a documentary about our recovery stories. We named it Fixed Up after Chip & Joanna Gaines’s show, Fixer Upper, that takes place in our hometown of Waco, Texas. B. Rae and I have been social media friends for over a decade, and are both reformed party girls working to make a change in the recovery world while living on the East Coast. But we never met in person until the day we started making this film. We thought the idea of making a movie about this might be interesting…and clearly it was. Last night, we won an award for “Best Hope Film” at the New Jersey Recovery Film Festival!!! The presenter/festival director, Chris Capaci, said our film provides hope and progress in the recovery community. 🙂

But let me back up a bit to describe how our magical day began…

Continue reading “We’re Award-Winning Filmmakers!”