Life As an Emotional Yo-Yo

A common question we all hear during these times is “How are you holding up?”. Lately, my answer is, “I’m an emotional yo-yo”. My moods range from endorphin-fueled high energy as a side effect of my morning workouts to extreme lows when I remember why I’m spending so much time at home. The consensus among friends and family is that most folks are experiencing the same yo-yo type feelings. We are all still trying to make sense of this new reality while mourning the old one. We are grieving.

The highlight of each day is going on a long walk with my partner and our dog, Clara. Earlier in the week, I wrote about how those walks sometimes make my emotional state worse. Today was a good day, as you can see in the image above. The weather was beautiful: 65 and sunny. Sitting on a bench by the Hudson River where the downtown Manhattan skyline is visible makes me happy. It gives me hope that one day I can go downtown again. One day, we will settle into a new normal that isn’t so scary.

I’ve settled into a routine that somewhat helps manage emotional yo-yo-ness. Here’s a day in the life of this quarantined writer…

10am - My friend’s CrossFit class through Zoom

11am - Cook a big breakfast for Nick and I. It’s usually some form of sweet potatoes and kale and eggs over medium. See below.

12:30pm - 3pm - Yoga/Lunch/Shower/Walk the dog

3pm - 9pm More writing, reading, etc… There’s usually a nap somewhere in there, too. My partner goes to work at 4. This is where the yo-yo part comes in. Once I’m alone and the endorphins have worn off, I feel how I’m really feeling about all of this constant change. My emotions are all over the place. I combat said loneliness by FaceTiming with friends, family, my therapist, or a virtual support group. This alone time is also when I catch up on shows, watch a movie, or write some more.

9pm-midnight - Once Nick comes home, we have a late dinner. We either order takeout/delivery so we can support local businesses or we cook something together. When life was “normal”, he was working 40+ hours a week at the restaurant and I was working 25 hours a week at Lululemon plus countless hours on creative projects. Even though we live together, we didn’t spend a whole lot of time together. We are really enjoying this surplus of quality time. Perhaps that’s our silver lining.

---

As of now, my day job at Lululemon is scheduled to re-open on April 26th. But after that…who knows? This unknowing is the hardest part. I know, as of this very moment, that my boyfriend and I thankfully still have jobs…today. And that’s what the whole one day at a time thing is all about.

---

Tawny is an NYC-based writer, public speaker, and event producer who’s passionate about smashing stigmas associated with both sexuality and sobriety. Ruby Warrington dubbed Tawny “The Sober Sexpert”. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter. 

Read Tawny’s published words in Playboy, Men’s Health, Huffington Post, The Temper, Audiofemme, SheSaid, Recovery Campus, WorkIt Health, and NY Yoga & Life Magazine. Tawny shared her recovery story on stages all across the world: IOGT World Congress, New York State Recovery Conference, United Federation of Teachers, and more.

In addition to writing and public speaking, she’s the founder of the Readings on Recovery™ reading series and SobrieTea Party™ and co-host of Recovery Rocks podcast with Lisa Smith. She’s also a charity volunteer with Road Recovery and an award-winning filmmaker of the recovery documentary, Fixed Up.