My last drink was on November 29th, 2015. It was a pint of delicious Paulaner Hefeweizen from the historical Fanelli‘s pub in SoHo. I drank this pint with two dear friends and their pints, after work. Our four-hour conversation shifted from New York City madness to what we want to be when we grow up to complaining about annoying customers and their demands of high-end yoga pants. I whined about not having enough time to write - the reason I moved to New York City. As we bonded over more pints, time seemed to stand still - until it didn’t. Our plan was to have one beer. Four hours later I was enjoying a beer buzz that can only be achieved from several beers as I navigated towards the PATH train.
I think of this day often. Sometimes I wish my last drinking episode consisted of more booze and more drama so I could have gone out with a bang. A few beers over four hours was tame for me. It’s not the story you see on TV or in movies where a person loses everything, has a dangerously low rock bottom, and then they decide to quit drinking. I’ve grown to appreciate what us sober folks call a “high bottom”. It’s important to share these stories, too. I’m thankful that I didn’t have to lose everything to wake up and see that alcohol was a significant roadblock - a roadblock that I kept putting in my own way - for more than a decade.
In a recent interview for Complex Magazine, John Mayer ( who recently celebrated two years sober) discusses a six-day hangover after Drake’s birthday party and how that led to him realizing how alcohol was affecting him:
“That’s how big the hangover was. I looked out the window and I went, ‘OK, John, what percentage of your potential would you like to have? Because if you say you’d like 60, and you’d like to spend the other 40 having fun, that’s fine. But what percentage of what is available to you would you like to make happen? There’s no wrong answer. What is it?’ I went, ‘100.’”
That’s exactly how I felt when I woke up on November 30th 2015. I wasn’t hungover, but I was groggy. I was far from losing everything due to my drinking habits, but I had lost enough time and self-respect that I knew I needed to make a change. I felt those pints sitting in my stomach. My head hurt. I couldn’t make it to my morning work out (again) because of this feeling. I tossed and turned in bed, staring at the ceiling - asking myself how long I was going to keep living like this. I got up to look in the mirror only to see my lifestyle stare right back at me. I looked rough.
I decided not to drink for one week. That turned into two weeks. Then I decided to turn my life into a social experiment: Since my 30th birthday was just a few weeks away, I’d give up booze for a full year and document my experience on a blog. This blog. I purchased sobrieteaparty.com and the rest is living history.
My entire life changed the day I decided to quit drinking. The ups and downs of sobriety humble me. It consistently teaches me that I’m just a person. I’m not a machine. I have feelings, feelings I drank to numb. That social experiment has evolved into a documentary, a podcast, an event series, public speaking engagements, and an overall healthier, happier life.
These three years have been incredible for the most part, but there have been quite a few dark moments where I wished I could escape reality by drinking. Throughout all of this, I was also a new New Yorker. I tackled sobriety after living here for only 5 months with new friends and new co-workers while my family was back home in Texas. Perhaps I needed to be surrounded by newness to finally quit drinking. I quickly learned that life (and death) still happens when we get sober. I’ve since lost both of my grandmothers, I checked someone dear to me into rehab for an eating disorder, I’ve had heartache and emotional breakdowns. These three years have been an exhausting roller coaster that was definitely worth the ride.
I moved to New York City because my life goal has always been to write for Rolling Stone magazine. I’ve always wanted to write about music, interview musicians, and review concerts/albums. I haven’t been published in Rolling Stone…yet…but something even better has come along. Year three of sobriety has given me the opportunity to create music instead of just being a music super fan. In February I got involved with Road Recovery: an NYC-based non-profit that helps at-risk youth in recovery through the power of music. I was honored to co-host some events with Road Recovery this year, as well as contribute creatively to the music-making process. Our EP, Talk It Out, will be released on December 17th on iTunes, Spotify, and Amazon Music.
Sobriety consistently surprises me. It grounds me. It confuses me. But ultimately, it’s a significant part of me. I’m honored to be on this journey with a strong support system that encourages me to take it one day at a time.
Photo Credit: Aimee Garcia
Copy Editor: Tracey Stubbs
Listen to my podcast with Lisa Smith, Recovery Rocks!
Follow me on Instagram: @tawnymlara and Twitter: @tawnymlara
2 replies on “three. years. sober.”
Keep up the good work Tawny. I’m proud of you for what you are doing to help others through your experience. Keeping yourself healthy and strong is a #1 priority. Your positive outlook is an inspiration to others. Everyone has a story, good or bad, exciting or boring. You have chosen to open and share your story with the world. Others will realize they are not the only ones traveling on what they think is a lonely self destructing road. But rather, they are on a crowded highway. Take the next exit and enjoy the scenic route. Continue writing and inspiring, your book will be a best seller in so many lives.
So beautiful. I started reading here right when you put up your blog! I’m a little over six years sober and my last night was pretty tame too - and my last drink was a Red Stripe, which I didn’t even like. Cheers to the future. <3