I recently spent a month in Bali with my dear friend, Cam. We explored Ubud for a week, reconnecting over delicious/cheap AF Indonesian cuisine, countless rounds of kill/bang/marry, and hours of intellectually stimulating conversation. The next 3 weeks were spent sequestered with 30+ people from all over the world (Australia, Thailand, Japan, Singapore, The UK, Lithuania, Switzerland, Germany, Canada, Sweden, Holland, and Norway) at Zuna Yoga‘s 200 hour yoga teacher training. In addition to learning how to teach yoga, I also learned about these beautiful humans and their cultures.

Here’s a few more things I learned over the past month in Bali….

Sobriety Was Everywhere

Zuna Yoga required everyone to abstain from drugs, alcohol, and sex for the 3 weeks of training in order to avoid distraction. That rule created a beautiful haven for this sober New Yorker. The week before yoga training started gave Cam and I had ample time to explore the magic that Ubud’s city center had to offer. With Ubud being a haven for ex-pats, yogis, and alternative medicine, sobriety was low key everywhere. The Zuna Yoga/Ubud vibes honor that the body is a temple. It’s not uncommon for people in this lifestyle to see drugs and alcohol for what they are: unnecessary distractions. Most restaurants didn’t even serve booze. If they did, they offered one or two beer options. In fact, most restaurants had extensive mocktail menus.

Limited Marketing, Mirrors, & Makeup

My 33 days in Bali consisted of little to no forms of Western marketing. No advertisements were telling me which shows to watch, what songs to listen to, what clothes to buy, or how my body “should” look. In addition to little marketing, there was limited mirror access. Our AirBnB in Ubud and the Azadi Retreat lacked full length mirrors…and it was awesome. This experience created the space for me to appreciate the things I already own and the body I already have. I wasn’t expecting to appreciate this so much, but sometimes those unexpected moments can be the best parts of a trip. Also - I didn’t wear makeup for a full month and it was f*&%ing liberating! OK I wore my signature purple lipstick a few times, but it was chill.

“Discipline is Freedom”

Everett, the co-founder of Zuna Yoga/philosophy dude/Sam Elliot doppleganger had dozens of mic drop-worthy one liners, but this one resonated with me on a profound level. I fought structure for most of my life. Committing to a routine felt like conforming to “the man” and I’m way too punk rock for that. The 3 weeks of yoga training were on a tight, necessary schedule. My instinct was to rebel against the rules because my way is always, like, soooooo much better. I chose to ignore my instincts so I could be fully present for this once in a lifetime experience that I signed up for. One day during philosophy, Everett was discussing how he used to resist structure, too. He shared the line, “discipline is freedom“. It struck me. Hard. I digested those words with a sweet sense of relief. To me those words meant that being proactive about how I spend my time can lead to efficient productivity. Those words paired with following a tight schedule for 21 days straight, let me give myself permission to accept the fact that I thrive with structure. Plus it gives me a productive way to channel my control-freak side.

Success with Silence

Every morning of yoga teacher training was silent. From 6am yoga/meditation to (delicious!!) breakfast. Silence meant no speaking, using our phones, reading, writing (*gasp*), or listening to music (*double gasp*). The purpose of this was to give us the chance to hear our own thoughts. To fall in love with nature. To observe. I loved it. It let me work through some issues that I was subconsciously distracting myself from. It reminded me of two years ago when I did a silent St. Patrick’s Day in early sobriety. I wanted to do the polar opposite of my typical “let’s get shit faced” default behavior, so I spent a day without speaking, texting, or social media-ing then wrote about it here. I liked Zuna Yoga’s morning silence so much that I’ve implemented it into my daily life here in New York.

“Be It”

My anxiety/depression and anxious face picking were minimal on this trip. I get it, there’s not a lot to be stressed about while spending a month in paradise and I’m v aware of my privilege for even having this experience in the first place. My biggest first world form of stress was nervousness about reacclimating to New York City. I asked Everett how to keep the magical Bali vibes with me in New York. He simply replied with, “Be It“. On my last day in Bali, I got those words of wisdom tattooed on my wrist while listening to “For Forever” from the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack - hoping that show tunes would get me mentally prepared for my return to the city. Now I’m back in the Manhattan madness. When I feel my anxiety kick in, I breathe, look down at my wrist, think about Bali, and be it…for forever.

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Tawny Lara is the founder of SobrieTea Party. She writes about being sober in New York City and hosts sober socializing events.

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P.S. Shout out to super queen, Cam Berlin, for inviting me on this life changing trip and helping me find the balance between darkness and light. Thank you to Giedre Bernotaite, the Lithuanian goddess glamazon, for taking the photo below and the featured photo of me at the tippety top of this blog post.

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