You Asked, I Answered

Last week on both Facebook and Instagram, I opened up the forum for people to ask me anything they wanted. I figured most of the questions would be about sobriety and recovery, but surprisingly only a few were. People also asked me about eating disorders, relationships, and egg yolk. Yes, egg yolk. 

Do you believe in true love?

-Greg Sowell (College Station, TX)

I’ve always believed that other people have/will find true love, but I didn’t really think I was part of that group until very recently – like, a few months ago. Growing up, I didn’t have many examples of healthy romance in my family. Maybe that’s why I’ve had so many unhealthy romantic relationships of my own. I’m happy to say that for the first time in my life, I truly love myself. It’s taken me awhile, but I finally believe that I will find love when it’s ready to be found. 

I’m a personal trainer and I’m wondering how to interact with clients that are dealing with food anxiety and how to encourage them in a supportive way.

Jaron Frand (New York, New York)

There should be more personal trainers like you! I was in the fitness industry for five years and never once wondered how to be more sensitive to my clients. I wish I did. I led from a “my way or the highway” perspective which is not relatable and can often be discouraging.  The best way to coach someone with food anxiety/eating disorders/disordered eating habits/etc…is to listen. Listen to what they are asking for and why they are asking for it. See them as an individual and meet them where they are. A meal plan template only works for a small percentage of people. Some people want a six pack and a tight ass. Some people just want to be able to play with their kids without losing their breath. Find out what your client truly wants and relate it to nutritious food options. This can go a lot farther than telling someone they have to eat baked chicken and steamed veggies everyday.

Is there anything you have chosen not to share because someone may read it and be upset?

-Megan Mills Price (Dallas, TX)

My mom cries when she reads every single blog post. She knows this blog is helping me in my recovery and it’s helping other people, but she has a hard time learning about some of the things I’ve done. There’s still quite a few things that I’ve been through that I don’t talk about because I’m just not ready to do so. There’s certain aspects of past relationships that I’d like to talk about, but I don’t because I want to respect their (and our) privacy. I’m stuck between the risk of damaging someone’s character and not being able to tell my full story.

How do we get people to care about others more?

-Justin Frymark (Denver, CO)

At the risk of sounding like a cliche, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes always works. I used to hold my parents to a ridiculous standard of what I think a parent “should” be. As soon as I saw them as imperfect, flawed, fellow humans, I began to truly relate to them. My mom is so much more than my mom. She has an entire life outside of being there everytime I call her. My dad is more than a rocker who chose touring over raising me. He was struggling with his own issues at the time and I understand that now.

Also, approaching situations with curiosity instead of judgement can go very far. For example…two years ago, I realized how ignorant I was to the transgender community. I knew that by ignoring something that’s going on in this world, my ignorance was part of the problem. I reached out to a trans friend of a friend and asked him if he’d be willing to meet me for coffee so I could hear his story. We ended up talking for two hours and he was so grateful that someone wanted to hear his story instead of assuming things or believing stereotypes. He’s now a good friend of mine and I enjoy supporting his journey.

Ask questions. Be an ally. Open your eyes to the world that’s going on around you. Be the change.

 What exactly is #yolkporn?!?

-Carla Cleveland Williams (Whitney, TX)

#yolkporn is a hashtag associated with yummy breakfast foods where the yolk is pouring all over toast, potatoes, corn tortillas, poached salmon, or whatever gourmet breakfast is being served. The person about to eat the food will take a pic (often “posing” the yolk just right”), and post it to their Instagram account.

A few weeks ago, I published a blog post about food and I mentioned yolk porn. That’s where this question is coming from.

Was it challenging to break the social drinking when hanging out with your old drinking mates?

-@karaay (Las Vegas, NV)

It took me awhile to get comfortable with going out to bars where other people are drinking. It’s something that I do very rarely now, but I’ll randomly participate if it’s a friend’s special occasion that takes place at a bar. And it’s fun to go out and party sober. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, or you’re not ready to handle.

What’s the difference between love and attachment in relationships?

-Andy Bruce (Waco, TX)

These two feelings are confused quite often. It can be hard to differentiate between the two. I’ve never been in love, but I’ve been detrimentally attached to a few men. I may not be able to define love, but I can definitely tell you what I’ve learned that love is not:

Love is not telling myself that I deserve to be physically abused because I hit him first. That is toxicity.

Love is not constantly checking in with him while he’s at a bachelor party. That is mistrust.

Love is not trying to change him. That is unfair.

Love is not showing up at his apartment to make sure he’s not with someone else. That is jealousy.

Love is not pretending to be OK with the fact that he won’t call me his girlfriend. That is delusion.

Love is not a 3am text saying “Sup?”. That is a hook up.

 Does sobriety get easier?

-@mazzah (Cheshire, United Kingdom)

Yes and no. I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t drink and that’s honestly the easiest part. The hard part is dealing with the daily life occurrences that make me want to drink. But finally living in reality is better than living in the clouded world I created. Smelling whiskey on someone’s breath is still hard. Like…really hard. I don’t know if that will get easier, but I sure hope it does.

 When you write, how do you get the thoughts from your head onto paper or screen?

-@james_midwood (Waco, TX)

I jot down ideas as fast as humanly possible. If it’s pen to paper, I scribble horribly. If it’s digital, I type way too fast and fill the screen with grammatical errors that I’ll go back and edit. During my daily meditation, I listen to what comes up. Those are often the things that I’m too busy to think about. People think that mediation has to be sitting with a clear mind and that’s simply not always the case.

  Did you lose friends or give up the “toxic” friends when you stopped drinking? 

-@karaay (Las Vegas, NV)

I wouldn’t say that I lost friends, but I’d say that I learned the difference between drinking buddies and true friends – that line is especially fuzzy when booze is involved. There were countless blurry nights when I poured my heart out to people that I thought truly cared about me. Now that I’m sober, those people are the ones who leave rude comments on my blog or publicly talk shit about me no longer drinking. It hurt to hear/read those things at first, but I now I choose to look at their behavior as a filter. If someone doesn’t support where I am now, they have no business being in my life.

felicia


If you have a question for me, please comment below or email on my Contact page.


edited by: Alisson Wood

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