Today was one of those days where I was reminded that I’m a human being, not a machine. Nothing in particular happened; it just wasn’t my day. I had several plans, but I canceled them all. Something was calling me to come home, drink tea, and write.
I get phone calls and texts from people asking how I’m doing, what it’s like living in New York, and how my blog is going. So…have you ever asked me a question like this and I’ve replied with “It’s going great! How are you?” This is how I really want to respond, but I’m afraid to admit that I’m not perfect and I have my own daily struggles, too.
How are you?
I love my job. I love my friends. I love New York. But to be completely honest, life is rough sometimes. I have an existential crisis almost daily. Sometimes I beat myself up for not working out everyday or for eating too many cookies or for not writing enough. I miss my family. I miss Texas. I miss having a pool. I miss good Mexican food. Several times a day, I have to remind myself that I am OK and that I am enough.
How’s SobrieTea going?
Having a blog is more than just writing words and hitting “publish”. I’m coming up with weekly content to keep readers like you happy and attract new followers. I’m maintaining a consistent presence and interaction rate on six different social media platforms. When I’m not writing, I’m posting photos on multiple social media accounts in order to keep followers interested. Then I track the analytics to see how well the posts perform. Then I add the emotionally taxing act of writing my personal struggles and sharing it with the world. Plus the other work that comes along with writing: editing, revision, rewriting, and creating relevant images to promote my work. Keep in mind, this is all done “on the side”. I also work a full time job at lululemon Men’s and write for NY Yoga & Life Magazine.
But SobrieTea is so worth it! This blog has introduced me to the sober community both online and in person. This platform has also helped me find my voice as a writer. My original commitment was to give up drinking for a year, but I honestly can’t imagine going back to it. Plus I’m now officially two months sober and I’m learning more about myself everyday.
What’s it like living in New York?!?
Living in New York City is hard. It can be mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually exhausting. I spend most of my paycheck on rent. I walk about 4 miles a day and that’s not including the hours on my feet working retail. I have to rely on an unreliable train schedule and a good pair of shoes to get from point A to point B. Sometimes, it’s more expensive to cook my own meals, so I often spend $10-$15 on a salad. There’s trash on the sidewalks. Homeless people on the streets ask me for money. It’s loud….all the time.
…..so why the hell do you live there?
Because the unreliable train schedule has taught me that I can’t control anything in life, except for me. Because walking 4 miles a day lets me eat more cookies. Because even though at the end of the day when I’m exhausted, I can’t wait to wake up and do it all over again. Because I’m surrounded by inspiring people that motivate me. Because graffiti. Because Washington Square Park. Because fashion. Because famous people are just people, too. Because unfathomed opportunities and people are coming my way. Because being sober in New York is tough, but I honestly believe that living here is why I have the strength to stay clean.
While my optimism is always authentic, I sometimes fear that if I admit that I am in struggle, I will be perceived as weak.
So this is me being real. This is me being vulnerable. This is me being grateful for having an “off” day that forced me to pause and reflect.